"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.
- "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding
a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their
- "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our
archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
- [Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.]
- Riker: [puzzled]
- What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
- Data: [turns to answer]
- "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason
called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their
root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an
- "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
- "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken
over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
- "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric
- [. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .]
- "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the
- "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade'
to compensate for their increase."
- "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is
something we have missed."
- "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not
sending in their registration cards.
- "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
- Geordi: [excited]
- "Wait, Captain; I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly
dropped to 0% !"
- "Data, what do your scanners show?"
- "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named
'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
- "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
- [. . . Two Hours Pass . . .]
- "Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"
- "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate
for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully
increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to
transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft
- "How much time will that buy us ?"
- "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time
span of 6 more hours."
- "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
- "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"
- [Over the speakers]
- "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE
HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR.
SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"
- "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
- "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
- "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the
Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the
tortures of deep space ?!"
- "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer
I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing
- Riker and Picard together: [horrified]
- "Lawyers !!"
- "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
- "True, but appearently some must have survived."
- "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all
types of papers."
- "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it often
- "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
- "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg
Microsoft, and Windows are Trademarks of Microsoft Corp.
Star Trek, Star Trek the Next Generation, and STTNG characters
are trademarks and copyright of Paramount Television.
You can buy windows
and thus avoid a fate similiar to the Borg ;)
Related books in the library
There are more Star Trek books in the library
than you can shake a tribble at, so rather than listing them all here, it's
probably easier if you search for them